Thanks be to god that this thing didn't get put out... thanks to my server choking, I got a chance to rewrite some bits. @_@ Phew. Horoscopes in Nerima (to the tune of Your Horoscope For Today, by Weird Al Yankovic) HAPPUOSAI! There's travel in your future when your hand reaches to the front of Akane's bust Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing with yourself 17 hours a day RANMA! Try to avoid Ryouga or Tarou, to whom you know you've lost, You really are the best, no matter what that idiot Blade may say ;p KUNO! The look on your face will be priceless when you finally find out about it, That your very own arch rival, is the chick that can make you weep. TAROU! You will never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it? The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, hurt a bunch of folks and then go back to sleep That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today GENMA! Your son's life will be ruined once again by your excessive laziness Your life will run into trouble when a fiance hurls a javelin through your chest COLOGNE! The position of Jupiter said that you would spend most of your life with a face like mud Try not to screw Ranma's head up too bad by using Shampoo's curse. UKYOU! Now is not a good time to chase fiancee's and rub it to your staff's face, oh no Eat a couple of okonomiyaki, then beat Tsubasa off with a foot-and-a-half long stick. SHAMPOO! Joketsozoku are extremely cunning and intelligent - except for you Expect a big surprise today when you find out that everyone thinks you're thick That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, But let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true. Where was I? TOFU! A big feature is just around the corner for someone much more popular than you Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week RYOUGA! Get ready for an unexpected trip when you jump screaming out an open window Work a little bit harder on improving your low self esteem, you stupid freak KODACHI! All your friends are laughing behind your back... kill them Take down all those naked pictures of Ranma-sama you've got hanging in your den GOSUNKUGI! The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person... but you know they're lying If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today