"A blank page is God's way of showing you how hard it is to be God." - Anonymous "A guy pointing out how many, many things are really stupid? What's not to like?" - Chris McNeil, on seanbaby.com "A writer's job is to entertain in the best sense of the word." - Sue Grafton "Abbatoir: A beautiful word for such an ugly thing. I love it." - Chris McNeil, improving his wordpower "Age is just a number. Life is an attitude. If you think you are old, it doesn't matter your age, you are old. Personally, I would rather go rollerblading." - Ben DeLonge "Ah sequins, how you inspire fear and pants-wetting in my enemies." - murlainn "aiofhoerinoarvyoary3463464v oa r oar ao8riafuh poa8467575roah fraoarh laao apo8eaoweir+395i30un ae97rarhaf a99w393qhrt a9 78aw97329y." - Keon Ravnholt Christensen, penitent "Aliquid quod dices contrate verti potest atque vertetur." - Joseph Sutedja "Allow me to help your banter-deprived ass. Two, four, six, eight Choke on your own blood. Okay, it needs work." - Maggie, Art School Girls "Am i the only person seeing a logic problem here?" - gilmae displaying good sense. Be afraid. "An absolutely necessary part of a writer's equipment, almost as necessary as talent, is the ability to stand up under punishment, both the punishment the world hands and the punishment he inflicts upon himself." - Irwin Shaw "An author who speaks about his own books is almost as bad as a mother who talks about her own children" -Benjamin Disreali "An original writer is not one who imitates nobody, but one whom nobody can imitate." - François-August-René de Chateaûbriand "Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog; nobody enjoys it and the frog dies." - Anonymous "And if the cat continues to annoy you, feel free to dump him in the washing machine and set it on spin cycle." - Jennifer Hall, on Feline Discipline "And it has a smiley. A SMILEY!!!!! DIE! DIE! THEY MUST ALL DIE!!!" - Chris McNeil "Anything that is written to please the author is worthless." -Blaise Pascal "Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost what it feels about dogs." - John Osborne "Asobi wa owari da! Sakebe! Nake! Soshite, ShineeeEEEIIII!" - Iori Yagami "Atheism leads to hedonism and hedonism leads to narcissism and narcissism leads to onanism and onanism leads to catechism and catechism leads to Catholicism, so why bother?" - Jeffrey Johnson, rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc "Because sometimes there are better ways to interact with a woman than to satiate your libido." "I think you'll get kicked out of the Guy's Union for that, Bob." - Bob Macfie and Chris McNeil "Belsammael is a jellyfish sage which means he's a sage of jellyfish and he adds the jellyfish abilities to his own because he is a jellyfish sage, a sage of jellyfish that is, so he needs jellyfish abilities to be the jellyfish sage that is." - Belsammael "Beware Avocadozilla!" - Belsammael "Beware evil - I'm armed to the teeth, and packing a hamster!" - Minsc "Dan has it won folks! What an amazing move! Akuma's got to be in a world of hurt!" "Actually, I imagine he's got the mother of all paper cuts and is rather pissed." - Hiroshi and Daisuke, MTCFF ULTRA #40 "Death to Teddy Ruxpin! He's just a dancing hamster with pants!" - Belsammael "Dirt is pretty amazing stuff." - Bob Macfie "Do it. Kill him. Kill him now. Darwin would be proud." - Khendon, on natural selection and stupid employers "Do you think he's trapped underwater?" "No, he'd have shouted for help." - Greenslade and Moriarty "Don't kill her. Just leave her totally bereft, so alone, so tiny, and so insignificant within herself... leave her _nothing_." - Arissa, on Cheerful Characters "DOWN WITH HUGGIES! LET'S FORM A LYNCH MOB AND TAR-AND-FEATHER THE PRESIDENT!!!" - Pokemaster5 "Drivel can come from any .com." - Danger X "EAT DIRT, EVERYBODY IN THE VICINITY! A-HAHAHAH!" - Earthworm Jim "Eeeek! Female present! Quick, assume politically correct posture!" - Chris McNeil "Egat! A gigantic mecha! I didn't see it sneaking up to me!" - Belsammael, possibly not being sarcastic "Even when hope and science fail us, art survives." - Janet Maslin "Every writer, without exception, is a masochist, a sadist, a peeping Tom, an exhibitionist, a narcissist, an injustice collector and a depressed person constantly haunted by fears of unproductivity." - Edmund Bergler "Everyone who does not need to be a writer, who thinks he can do something else, ought to do something else." - Georges Simenon "Fool! It's a simile, not a metaphor! Now I will kill you so hard, your ancestors will die!" - Wasabi, Pimp Ninja, Sinfest "Foul dark demons, I am power made spiffy!" - Dan Hibiki "Frungy had nothing to do with it! This game was about war, slavery, intolerance heroism, justice, and the inevitable triumph of Good over Evil!" "Are you crazy?! The developers got millions in Frungy endorsements!" - The Zoq-Fot-Pik, Star Control 2 "Fur is dead! "Of course it is; you ever try wearing a _live_ mink?" "If it's anything like wearing live rats, then it's *fun*!" - Alicia and Carl Burke, rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc "Get me my lightsaber. It's the one that says, "Bad Ass Mother F*cker" on it." - Mike Ralls, on Samuel L. Jackson in Phantom Menace "GOD DOES NOT EXIST!!!" "YES I DO!" - Talen and Belsammael "Great, just what I need, an overfriendly mouse." - Andrew K, rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc "Having your book turned into a movie is like seeing your oxen turned into bouillon cubes." - John LeCarre "He is so stupid you can't trust him with an idea. He is so clever he will catch you in the least error. He will not buy long books. He will not buy short books. He is part moron, part genius and part ogre. There is some doubt as to whether he can read." -John Steinbeck, on readers "He that always gives way to others will end up having no principles of his own." - Aesop "He was wronger than Wrong Jack McWrong, winner of last year's Mr Wrong competition." - gilmae "Hey, I'm naked up here!" "Don't listen to him! He's wearing socks!" - Sam Williams and Joseph Sutedja, on the second floor of Chili's "Hey, Satan, what'd you think of that?" - Bigsig Ben "How dare you apologise for that! I am offended!" - Belsammael "Howdy, Nerd-boy!" - Bun-Bun, Sluggy Freelance "Hypocrisy? No it's not. There is no good or evil." - Jedah "I _can_ say that talking to you is _much_ different from talking to a girl. Much, much, much different." - Joseph Sutedja "I always felt like the Orz understood me a lot better than I understood them." - Yyy of the Gg "I always say the best way to deal with an enemy is to make 'em your friend. Then when they're over for dinner, get 'em in the eye with the salad fork..." - Joel "I am mojo torak, but you call me Kal Torak. for Kal means God and God I am. So Kal Torak you shall call me, or God Torak, as they are the same thing and not different." - Mojo Jojo Kal Torak "I am not a snail. This is because there are two things I could be, one being a snail, and the other is not a snail, and since I am that thing which is not a snail, I am not a snail as the thing that is a snail is not the thing which I am." - Mojo Jojo Belsammael "i believe it is safe to say that gambit is out of this match." "You can say that again!" "i believe it is safe to say that gambit is out of this match." "I admit to setting myself up for that." - Hiroshi and Rei, MTCFF ULTRA "I cannot bring up my children in a religion system where the authority system is based on the sizes of hats." - Dennis Learey, Coffee, Beer, and the Pope "I could really go for some grapes right now. Or juice. Cool and refreshing. But I have no juice. The messages have taken it." - Chris McNeil "I don't wanna choose between killing the Pope and a Senator... I wanna kill them both!" - Arissa "I have mashed him before and I will mash him again." - Pumatwins "I just want to know why the seller won't ship internationally. Are there customs laws against shipping American crap abroad?" "As the producers of "Baywatch" will tell you, the answer is no." - Andrew Morris and Joe Blevins "I kill dumb people." - flaming cat, rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc "I love you all..except you, you, and you, and ESPECIALLY YOU!" - Ryco "I said it before and I'll say it again - democracy simply doesn't work!" - Kent Brockman, the Simpsons "I understand your opinion. I just don't care." - Jedah "I want to beat the crap out of his inner child..." - Joel "I was pointing out that logic can be entirely correct and still mean a heap of shit." "I meant a logic error in filling a disk you are about to format you Queensland drongo!!!!" - Jehanneton and gilmae, after the former spent (literally) an hour demonstrating the distinction between the word 'dog' and the syllable 'dog' "I wrote my first novel because I wanted to read it." - Toni Morrison "I." - Mr. Imisides, explaining himself "If skating is EXTREEEEME! and hockey isn't, then why don't we ever see Brian Boitano wearing a face mask and shin guards?" - Randy Golden, rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc "If we _have_ to understand, that would connote that it's absolutely essential to life and therefore you telling us is immaterial since if we don't _already_ understand, we're already as good as dead." - Joel, waxing intelligent "If you can read this, my wife fell off." - Seen on the back of Mr. Bertram's riding jacket "I'll get back to you, my secretary just exploded." - Torg, Sluggy Freelance "I'm not happy when I'm writing, but I'm more unhappy when I'm not." - Fannie Hurst "Ingredients: Rice Vinegar" - Seen on a bottle of Rice Vinegar "It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. "...that's like saying it's so much more rewarding if someone finds the Holy Grail than if they find a map." - Dragonpearl and Joel "It is my destiny to save the world, as the cookie told, and I DO IT ALL FOR THE COOKIE!" - Dan Hibiki "It's important that a novel be approached with some urgency. Spend too long on it, or have great gaps between writing sessions, and the unity of the work tends to be lost." - Anthony Burgess "It's not a multiple choice situation - red means stop." - Merrick, Merrick & Rosso "Jake liked his women the way he liked his kiwi fruit; sweet yet tart, firm-fleshed yet yielding to the touch, and covered with short brown fuzzy hair." - Gretchen Schmidt, entry in San Jose State's bad writing contest, 1989 "Kill them. Kill them all." - Mr. Imisides "Maturity is a high price to pay for growing up." - Tom Stoppard "Mojo_Jojo moves away from Q_of_Borg, as in not moving closer, yet in the opposite direction, which is away, as in not closer, because then he wouldnt be moving away but closer instead, which he's not." - Belsammael "No matter what anyone tells you, words and ideas can change the world." - Dr. Keating, Dead Poets Society "Not everyone in this country wears high heels and bras! Like my sister, for instance." - Steven Cooke, on Canada "Nothing you write, if you hope to be any good, will ever come out as you first hoped." - Lillian Hellman "Okay folks, raise your hand if you didn't see this coming." "I didn't! But then again, I'm drunk!" - Riff and Torg, Sluggy Freelance "Old Godzilla know Kung-Fu. What does New Godzilla know?" "How to bend at the waist?" - Richard Noonan and David Johnston "PSSSSYyyyyyyyyyyccccccccHHHHHOoooooooooooooo CRUSSSHHHHHHHEEEErrrrrrrrrrr!" - _Q_, master of the nonsequiter "Real seriousness in regard to writing is one of the two absolute necessities. The other, unfortunately, is talent." - Ernest Hemingway "Reality leaves a lot to the imagination." -John Lennon "Remember, Roger. Stupidity's not just American. It's _everywhere_." "I'm not American." "You think I don't know that? I'd insult _your_ country, but the thing is, three of my best friends are Canadian, and they'd kick the beshit out of me." - Talen and A Canadian Acquaintance "Respect the language, it can bring you respect." - Anand Chelian "Ruby Eye Shabranigdu is not a demon nor a king, but is nicknamed as a demon king despite what Talen says or will say now:" "He's bad-ass." "... well, that too." - Belsammael and Talen "See any pink elephants yet, talen?" "I can see a snail in denial." "Watashi wa nameku dewa arimasen!!!" - Belsammael and Talen "See? That's what happens when you're famous. Some idiot shoots you." - John Lennon, upon hearing of the Kennedy assassination "Semantics on flashes? It's not a flash if you don't show *all* of your tackle. Yep, Darth Vader and *both* stormtroopers." - gilmae and technicalities "Sono mama shine!" - Iori Yagami "Start small... throw yourself under a Lego train" - Q, advocating suicide practice "Sugu raku ni shite yaru." - Iori Yagami "Take one sip if: Fox gets mad at Jon;..." "We're gonna get sooooo smashed here..." - Jon and Fox, Pokemon: Team Excalibur omake "Talen wants to be Barbie. IS that perfect blackmail material or what?" - Princess Arissa, the SWAC, deriding her benevolent employer "Talen, you are older than dirt if we discount chronology." - Arissa. Possibly being complimentary. I'm not sure. ^^; "That was zen - this is tao." - Talen, on eastern religions "That's okay, I've been here for hours and I'm still clueless." - Talen, on why knowing smart people doesn't make you smart "The ass is a bit long." - Arissa, on Talen's art "The classics are only primitive literature. They belong in the same class as primitive machinery and primitive music and primitive medicine." - Stephen Leacock "The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug." - Mark Twain "The main factor behind the success of Pokemon is so bafflingly obvious that I'm sure thousands of toy executives are beating themselves in the head daily. If you want to make a toy that appeals to both boys and girls, there's no need to break down centuries of gender role stereotyping. Heavens no! Just make cute little cuddly characters that beat hell out of each other! D'accord!" - L. Fitzgerald Sjoberg of the Brunching Shuttlecocks, "Battle Beyond the Stores" "The more you try, the more impossible it is to do." "Then why bother?" "Because then you will have Karma out the yingyang." "And other groovy shiznit." - gilmae, Jehanneton, and Talen, on Daoism "Then I wish you well, my friend. Kick a bit of figurative ass, won't you?" - Namek Lady Cegi "There are days where I just wish I hadn't gotten out of bed." "gilmae - we _always_ wish you hadn't gotten out of bed." - gilmae and Talen "There is no good or evil. It doesn't contradict!" - Jedah "There is no hope for mankind." "It took you _this long_ to figure that out?" - Talen and Fox-lee "There was a kid today who said 'No jumping in the holy water,' or something like that." - Mr. Arguello, on Church rules listed by students on the Theology II test "They're *French*, what more of an insult do you need?" - Khendon "This better not be like that time I found a magic staple in my coleslaw." "That wasn't magic Jim, the waiter just said that to shut you up." - Earthworm Jim and Peter Puppy "This girl that you drew looks too "ripped". I mean, she doesn't look cute if she looks like she's going to kick your ass..." - Mirai Matt, on Talen's art "This has firmly confirmed to me that my life as a male sucks ass." - Talen, on compatability tests "Trade my life for a barrel of gold, Find someone else before i get too old If i live my life for aesthetic gain, Will you repay me with all your shame?" - My Life In The Knife Trade, by Boy Sets Fire "Unfortunately, I left my guns in my _pink_ trenchcoat." - Joseph Sutedja "Usage is the only test. I prefer a phrase that is easy and unaffected to a phrase that is grammatical." - W. Somerset Maugham "Vending machines, Rob, vending machines. Shoot, sometimes they'll even take those lousy Canadian quarters, and those ain't worth sh*t!" "Now, Jeffrey, I'll have you know that in some places in Alberta a quarter can buy an ENTIRE HANDFUL of shit. More, if you're not picky about the quality." - Jeffrey Johnson and flaming cat, rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc "Von Trapp's first name was Gaylord, by the way." - Preceptor "Watashi wa nameku dewa arimasen!!!" - Belsammael "We don't need _your_ kind of god around here." - Joseph Sutedja "We may pass violets looking for roses. We may pass contentment looking for victory." - Bern Williams "Well, I never hoist the mainstay, "And I never swab the bootdeck, "And I never veer to starboard, "'Cos I never sail at all, "I've never walked the gangplank, "And I've never owned a parrot, "And I've never been to Boston in the Fall." - Mr Lunt, The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything, by The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything "Well, sure! If our kids are going to be exposed to sex and violence, let's make it good ole red-blooded American sex and violence! YEE-HAW!!" - Rob Foster, rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc "Well, the Arabs proved that mathematical concept false when they pounded the heck out of Spain." - Mr. Nightingale "We've got no rods! How are we supposed to fish?" "They've got to die sometime, don't they?" - Moriarty and Greenslade, The Goon Show "We've got to THINK here. What would Brian Boitano do?" "He'd die horribly, Lina, he's just an ice skater." - Lina Inverse and Naga The Serpent, Ultra Rage Gamma "What are you trying to prove? What are you trying to say? Is there anything that you haven't destroyed? Is there anything left in your way? What are you trying to prove? Does it really matter anyway? You pull everything down just to build yourself up, But you're the loser at the end of the day." - Bitter Words, Area 7 "Whereas on AFD, a friend and I are discussing the many ways we can say 'GO F*CK A TREE!'" "I refuse to leave illegitimate children that can honestly be called 'sons of birches'." - Rick Hall and Bob Macfie "Who needs objectivity when you're right?" - Bob Macfie "Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense." - Mark Twain "Will Psycrow use his newfound powers to destroy Terlawk? Will Jim and Peter escape the terrible flesh-rending ants? Will the US EVER adopt the Metric System? Not bloody likely." "Wish I could help, but twenty years later and I still don't know the answer. Ah well. Cow tipping, anyone?" - Chika "Wow! And all because of my butt!" - Earthworm Jim "Write out of love; write out of instinct; write out of reason. But always for money." - Louis Untermeyer "Writing is a profession in which you have to keep proving your talent to people who have none." - Jules Renard "WRONG no pocky!" - Danielle Delaney "Xi!" "It woirks because of hoirbs." "It woirks..." "... deliciously." - Q and Belsammael. No, it doesn't make sense to me either "Y'know, I've always wondered why Australians don't resent the Euro-NA-centric assumption that they are on the "bottom" of the world." "'cos it means we're always mooning the universe. "Duh." - Blade and Talen "You demanded the best, and now you got this!" - Gaijin Dan Mastriani "You don't need to see my G*dd*mn ID, 'cause these aren't the mother f*ckin' droids you're looking for." - Michael Grote, on Samuel L. Jackson in Phantom Menace "You know, I can't read that without looking over my shoulder for Time Lady and her Beanie Baby Cannon (TM)." - Bob Macfie, on the word 'Indeed' "Your Void fails to impress the great Taunting Legend! It is nothing more than a great big amount of nothing, which is really nothing special indeed, you poo-poo head!!" - Taunting Former Godhead Stone Cold Dan Hibiki, to the Orochi, MTCFF ULTRA, Ultrarage Epsilon "You'reabitchI'msosorry." - Joseph Sutedja, illustrating why apologizing doesn't make you nice * grul saunters over to Jenn *** Talen sets mode: -o grul *** grul was kicked by Talen (Talen) *** grul has joined #sephrenia's_kitchen i wonder how/why i closed this window - Just why you don't mess with the SWAC * Talen has a mental image of school toilets having intercourse, and his brain shuts down. * Talen likes purple. stop sniggering, you bastards. * Arissa notes purple denotes sexual frustration according to certain quacks :) - Yet another incident of the SWAC disrespecting her employer *Brain grinds as Fox tries to think up a clever argument* Brain: Error 404 Fox: Damn. Um... oh well. DEAL! - Fox ... and then, finally, when I ended the day, I said, "Is this all there is?" Amidst all the confusion and anxiety, there was really nothing to do. What will happen when the friends depart and heroes return home? Nobody remembers the heroes and his title will one day be stolen by another... deserving or not. Because I knew... I KNEW that when I started, that when I said, "I WILL BE A HERO..." I was a nobody too. - Iori Yagami, "The Colour Purple" (Talen): flash her! Chibi - I said make her blush, not scar her for life. - Talen and Chibi-chan, on making the exquisite Mer-chan blush well i'm not the type to say I told you so, so i won't I am. He told you so. :) - What friends are for alt.binaries.erotica.scheherazadealt.sex.lesbian.antirush - Newsgroup available on Optusnet alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.amateur.jay-denebeim.and-his.sheep - Newsgroup available on Optusnet alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.anything.but.tuna - Newsgroup available on Optusnet alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.australians.dropbears - Newsgroup available on Optusnet alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.bestiality.hamster.duct-tape - Newsgroup available on Optusnet alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.frank-sinatra.dead.dead.dead - Newsgroup available on Optusnet alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.jay-denebeim. tied-to-a-sheep.naked.being-whipped-with-daffodils. and-covered-in-butter.d - Newsgroup available on Optusnet. No, really. alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.karl-malden.nose - Newsgroup available on Optusnet alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.plushies - Newsgroup available on Optusnet alt.free.unix-shell-accounts - Newsgroup available on Optusnet alt.sex.algore.little.wooden.boy - Newsgroup available on Optusnet alt.sex.aluminum - Newsgroup available on Optusnet alt.sex.animals.monica-lewinsky - Newsgroup available on Optusnet alt.sex.beastiality.with.chickens.whilst.wearing.rubber.knickers - Newsgroup available on Optusnet alt.sex.cthulhu - Newsgroup available on Optusnet alt.sex.dan-southwick.hamster.duct-tape - Newsgroup available on Optusnet alt.sex.fetish.hair.manic-panic-muppet-crotch - Newsgroup available on Optusnet alt.sex.fetish.necrophilia.paraplegic.chainsaw-murder-victims - Newsgroup available on Optusnet Amelia Virus : Deadweight. - Weird computer virii in the #kitchen Ayanami 3:16 says, "..." - The Eternal Lost Lurker Ergo sum sum. Gnyra uggc://jjj.pebffjvaqf.arg/~gnyraxha/ Goku virus : Turns up sixteen thousand times stronger than your virus protection software, no matter how powerful that software is. - Bizarre computer virii in the #kitchen Lina Virus : Eats enormous amounts of ram but never changes in size. - Weird computer virii in the #kitchen Metallica Virus : spends fifteen years gaining your trust then wipes all your mp3s - Weird computer virii in the #kitchen MS Virus : Install Windows 98 on your computer - Weird computer virii in the #kitchen On the 18th of June, 2000 Joel admitted that he was wrong. Queen Ametica Vrus: Makes sense no well good better not install HD. - Weird computer virii in the #kitchen SA-TAN! SA-TAN! SA-TAN! SA-TAN! SA-TAN! SA-TAN! SA-TAN! SA-TAN! SA-TAN! SA-TAN! SA-TAN! SA-TAN! SA-TAN! SA-TAN! SA-TAN! SA-TAN! SA-TAN! SA-TAN! SA-TAN! SA-TAN! SA-TAN! SA-TAN! SA-TAN! SA-TAN! Zelgadis Virus : Doesn't talk to any other part of the computer. - Weird computer virii in the #kitchen